I, for one, think 13-year-old candle maker Hart Main has proven his manhood.
I also think he's about to unleash upon us the plague of the modern-day Pavlov's dogs training. More on that later.
Hart, pummeled and plagued by the girly-girly scents of the candles his big sister was selling for school, did what any honorable little brother would do - he teased and taunted her unmercifully.
But during a break to clear his nostrils of whiffs of lilac and wafts of lilies, the boy genius had a light bulb-over-the-head moment:
What if the candles smelled like things that men liked?
The Marysville teen cooked up Mancans - candles in old soup cans that fire up aromas like bacon, new ball glove and sawdust.
Since his story went national earlier this month, Hart can't keep up with orders.
But is it possible that what Hart meant for good, frustrated and fed-up wives will use for evil?
As you once read in your dusty ol' science books, a Russian physiologist named Ivan Pavlov experimented in 1901 with something he called conditioned reflex. Pavlov noticed that his dogs salivated at din-din time. So he began ringing a bell with their meals. Pretty soon, the dogs drooled at the mere sound of ringing.
I'm not sure what this proves. Dogs I have known slobbered at pretty much every waking moment and a good deal of their sleeping ones.
But the legend of Pavlov's dogs lives on, and you can bet some wife will use it. She will develop dish soap that smells like motor oil in hopes of conditioning him to FINALLY help at the sink!
With laundry detergent exuding the bouquet of freshly mown lawn, running the washing machine will become a reflex.
If the bathroom emanates the fragrance of a freshly baked pizza, you'll need to wear sunglasses in the shower to shield your eyes from the gleaming shine.
These crafty significant others will press on to more macho inventions aimed at taming the most man-caviest of guys.
With plates shaped as hubcaps, bowls in the form of oil pans and cups hollowed out of engine cylinders, a guy could be lured away from eating his macaroni and cheese straight out of the pot and chugging his milk right from the carton.
The CD tray on the computer already looks a bit like a cup holder. Installing an actual cup holder on the other side of the laptop could quash those mug rings on the furniture.
Laundry baskets modeled like basketball hoops or tucked behind goal post uprights could work wonders at tempting him into scoring his dirty duds into the right place.
A word of caution: It might be best not to pattern the hamper after an outfield fence. First of all, there's no telling what a guy would use as a bat. The lamp stand, perhaps?
Worse, what happens when all the soiled grubbies are gone, and he still has the itch? He'd peel off everything he didn't consider absolutely necessary to take a few more swings. You'd have to make sure that no company EVER dropped by unexpectedly.
I think, Mrs. Pavlov, it's best to just let sleeping dogs drool without bells. Just to be safe, you might want to light up a Grandpa's Pipe, Campfire or Cracker Jacks Mancan. It'll lull him into safe lethargy.
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