Isn't it funny how, the older you get, the less you seem to actually know?
You know what I'm getting at here; with age comes the wisdom that there are a ton of life mysteries which we mere humans will never, ever understand.
Ever.
Now, as a person who absolutely believes in heaven, I have to say that I am equally earnest in my desire to someday get there.
When I (hopefully!) arrive, I've got a whole bunch of questions for the Big Guy about things my feeble mind will nary grasp in this lifetime.
Of course, there are the top unknowns: Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do children suffer? Why is there war?
I mean, why did my beloved dog Max have to die before age 3 when that evil Cujo monster dog down the street (who bit at least three people) lived to a ripe old age?
I don't get it.
But, on the lighter side, there are a bunch of silly things that I'm curious about, too. And if and when I'm able, here are some of the things I'd like to ask the good Lord about our time on the third rock from the sun.
1. Why do opposites attract?
I know that you know what I'm saying. We all know at least one couple whom we size up by speculating - usually when they're not in the room - "How the heck did those two ever end up together? They have absolutely nothing in common." Come on, admit it, there is a twosome in your circle who are the James Carville and Mary Matalin of the bunch. What is up with them?
2. Why does the bagel always fall on the floor jam-side down? And why are you always out of paper towels when it does? Or, how about, why does it always rain when you have a day off but pour sunshine when you're stuck in the office until after dark? And speaking of "after dark"
3. Why is English such a confusing language?
Here are some examples - some of which you've already heard or wondered about yourself, no doubt: Why do we say it was a near miss when it was really a near hit? Why do we call the time that follows day "after dark" - should it be called "after light?" Why do we refer to it as a TV "set" when there's only one? Why do the phrases "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing, while "wise guy" and "wise man" mean totally opposite things?
4. What purpose do insects serve? Not bees, mind you, but mosquitos, flies, etc.
Sure, there are a few bottom-dwellers on the food chain above them, including birds, bats and other small animals. But couldn't they be just as happy snacking on worms, seeds, slugs and berries? Seriously.
5. Why do children think of sleep as punishment while adults would give their pinky toe to be allowed to nap for two hours every mid-morning? And while we're on the subject, why didn't the concept of the siesta ever take hold in the U.S.? Hmm.
6. Why does the same music we argued with our parents for the right to listen to in our youth scare the bejeepers out of us when we're parents ourselves?
Seriously, I wrote an entire term paper in my undergrad honor's English class about why the Parents' Music Resource Center was an unconstitutional and dangerous group that threatened the very fabric of free speech - just because they wanted warning labels on records containing explicit lyrics.
Nowadays when Kyle asks if he can purchase AC/DC, Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath songs via iTunes, I find myself thinking that Tipper Gore was a brilliant visionary whom I unfairly vilified back in the day.
I'm sorry, Tipper, and you deserve far better than Al, BTW. But I digress. I'll conclude with my contender for the biggest mystery of all:
Why on earth have I been blessed with the best son, husband, parents, siblings, family, and friends during this life - when I clearly don't deserve them?
Shoot. The way I figure it, it'll take me all of eternity to thank Him for that one.
Happy pondering, all!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at pkimerer@zoominternet.net.