As has become an annual tradition for me, folks, here's a decidedly Patty take on an old classic. Hopefully it brings a smile to many faces as I send good tidings from the Kimerer house to each of yours.
'Twas the week before Christmas
When all through the "crib"
Things were snapping and breaking
And I was flipping my lid.
It started with plumbing
About one week ago
When a toilet backed up
To the point it would blow.
As I sat amid mountains of
Envelopes and cards
I was disturbed by the sound
Of someone plunging - and hard.
My brother, my hubby and I
Tried in vain
To open the main line
Of one stubborn drain.
But, lo, not only
Could we not fix it right
The debacle kept worsening
On through the night.
In the blink of an eye
My entire first floor
Was covered in water
Filled with things I abhor.
And as if all that wasn't
Enough to unnerve
Soon came more
Of a holiday curve.
You see, the unfortunate
Internal flood
Had inadvertently
Ruined some toys with a thud.
"Oh, Mommy, come quick!"
Was my son's little call.
And I did, just to learn
Of the obliteration of ALL
Of his Gameboy and Nintendo
DS games in a flash.
They had all been destroyed
By the poo-water bash.
And just when it seemed
Things could scarcely be worse
A trip to the dentist
Was undoubtedly cursed.
As I assured Kyle,
"This won't take long, pal."
The dentist informed me
"You need a root canal."
"Don't you know that it's Christmastime?"
I wanted to scream
And what he said next
Was just like a bad dream.
"Um, Patty, you are actually going to need two."
Came the grim news
As my face turned
All purple and blue.
And I in my horror
Simply to started to cry
I just had no time for this
Why, why, oh why!
When suddenly a little boy
Wise beyond years
Took my hand in his
And tried to dry up my tears.
"Don't worry about it,
It will all be okay,"
Said my sweet little boy
As we wound down the day.
Encouraged by hopefulness
Displayed by my son
I was jolted to reality
Taking breaths one by one.
"You're right, if this is the worst
That we've got,
We should drop on our knees
And give thanks on the spot."
Was my final reply.
And I considered the fright
That had surely faced Mary and Joseph
That night.
The evening when
All of us sinners were saved
By the magical birth
Of one sweet little babe.
So, even though stress and
Anxiety abound
Let's just find a moment
To all look around
At all of the good
We should be glad we have
Instead of the tough things
That could make us sad.
Forget about baking
And wrapping, all right?
Just remember that Christmas
Makes all good and bright.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone!
Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist. Contact her at pkimerer@zoointernet.net.